Life and depression

Hello everybody!!

It's been a while since I've posted anything on here. Just wanted to say hello and tell you guys how I'm doing.

Not going to lie things haven't been going well at all. I seem to be getting in a deeper hole day after day. It seems that nothing I do is right or interest me at all. It's very hard to get up and deal with day to day life anymore. It just drags on and last forever. I feel like I'm running in all these different directions and going nowhere with my life.

It's hard for me to even go to work or even play video games. Which I say is that I'm busy but, the truth is I'm just not interested in anything. I try to talk to people the least amount that I can. I feel like that for the most part I'm in the worse mental shape of my life.

I feel like that I'm the worst possible person, even though on a daily basis I'm told that I'm awesome. Just don't believe them.

Feeling like I don't fit in anywhere sucks. Been wanting to find a new job but, hard to get any motivation for that or anything non watching YouTube related.

I've cut myself off from all people. Never talk about my feeling which it's hard to tell what ones are my real feelings or just my depression.

Just seem like I'm going no where fast and about to have a mental breakdown.

Thank you for reading.

My Time at Wayne State College.

                                                Wayne State College

                It was senior year when I received my acceptance letter to Wayne State College.  I started out with no friends, which lead me into depression and not going to class. It took me awhile to adapt to “the college life.”  I lived in a dorm hall called Morey, which was rundown, but it was my home away from home.  Wayne State didn’t feel right at first. I loved my dorm room, but the college itself didn’t feel right.

It took weeks to make any friends, until the day Marshall walked into Biology. He sat right next to me. He was the first person to talk to me. “They don’t make these desks for fat people, do they?” Marshall said. “Yeah,” I said. I believe it was my Pac-Man shirt that attracted him to me.  Marshall was one of the coolest people who I got to know at Wayne State. We walked around the campus all day instead of going to class. We both knew it was a big mistake, but at the time we didn’t care. Little did we know that we had so much in common.

                After meeting Marshall everything was going great and we started going to classes again. Then not long after we went to our first club meeting.  The Sci-Fi Club was the coolest club on campus, now that Marshall and I were in. Or, that was what we thought. Not long after attending the first meeting we had a huge group of friends. Then, something that turned Wayne completely around happened; Marshall had move a good forty-five minutes away because financial aid wouldn’t pay for his dorm. We both stopped going to class again but he still drove all the way to Wayne just to hang out.  

                Once that happened, Marshall slept on my dorm floor sometimes during the week. When he was there, we would stay up all night playing Halo and Mario Kart. Those were good times but they caused us to just stop going to class completely. Little did we know that midterms were coming up soon, which marked around the time when we figured there was no hope.  Then we had nights of just leaving the campus and staying at Miah’s apartment until 3:00 or 4:00AM. Miah had to kick us out once because he had mid-terms.

                The next day after getting kicked out of Miah’s Apartment, my advisor called me in to give me the news: I would either have to take a 0.0 GPA or dropout. I choose to drop out from Wayne State.  Marshall had already left early that morning because he had dropped out too. I had to say goodbye to Tim, Marshall, Gena, Miah, Colby, and Adam. It was the worst day of my life thus far.

                I learned from this experience that I need to go to class. Not only go to class but do my homework too. If I want to achieve what I want to in life, I need to go to college. The work is harder than it was in high school. But, I can do this. I have to remain positive and keep my head held up. Another thing is that the work may be hard but never give up. Wayne taught me to go to class and not skip. Failure can teach how to succeed. 

Katy Perry "Last Friday Night (TGIF)" - Dave Days Parody

Spider-Man vs Dead Pool

Dead Pool Vs Spider-Man

            Comparing Super Hero’s on their powers, uniforms, and their enemies is something we in the comic book community love to compare and contrast. The different colors of each uniform, the differences right down to the very last shoe lace. Different powers from super human strength all the way to becoming small. Different Heroes have different enemies too. Each super hero has to go though the challenges of being a normal person and being not so normal.  Two super heroes’ that come to mind when I mention the struggles of being a super hero, those are Dead Pool and Spider-Man.

            First, uniforms from these two are different. Dead Pool for instances has two huge black circles that cover his eyes on his mask. He two main colors are red and black. The middle part of his upper body is red; while, the outer sides are black. His waist has a unity belt on it. In that unity belt he hides some of his snacks for bad guys. Being a mercenary and anti-hero he puts in that belt everything that he will need to survive; things like weapons. The rest of his uniform goes by the same has the upper body, with red on the inside and black on the outside.

            Spider-Man, on the other hand, has a different uniform all together.  Spider-Man’s eyes are covered by, white that look like eyes a spider would have. Next, Spider-Man runs a strictly red and blue uniform. The fingers on the uniform and the whole arm are red with blue underneath. Spider-Man has a giant spider on the back of his uniform; the symbol is red with blue in the background. Black webs like lines cover the red part of the uniform. The pants are blue with red boots the boot’s also have the black webs. 

            Next, powers can decide the fate of our favorite super heroes. Dead Pool had many powers but his main power is accelerated healing, no matter what happens to Dead Pool he will heal.  Other powers are at least one of the coolest things about Dead Pool is his mouth. It’s not a power but, it makes it very entertaining to read and watch. He is a master in all forms of martial arts. He has trained as master every form that will be needed to win a fight. Dead Pool can run forever if he wanted to with his superhuman stamina.

            With no power super heroes would just be normal people. However, Spider-Man or Peter Parker never really wanted his powers. There has been multiple times when he has almost found a way to get vanish them forever.  His best power is the ability to climb walls and can also shoot webs from his wrist. He has made a web shooter to help guide his webs. Little things that are on the end of spiders legs, come out of his hand. He has the ability to lift really heavy objects. One quote about powers always makes me ponder. “With great power, comes great responsibility" –Uncle Ben from Spider-Man.

            Finally, each of these Super Heroes has its own enemies. Spider-Man villains or enemies fight with Spider-Man on more of a personal level. Green Goblin is one the few villains of Spider-Man that has taken the time to research Spider-Man to figure out who he is. Venom was once connected with Spider-Man, which has caused him to also know who Spider-Man is. Dead Pool villains don’t fight on as much as a personal level. His enemies go straight for taking over the world. Loki and Apocalypse have both tried to take over the world. They don’t fight on a personal level like Spider-Man’s villains do.

           

            Each super hero has had their problems and success.  All the enemies are on a separate level. The uniforms have all made their marks on the comic book world. Different powers can attract fans to their favorite super hero.  With villains like Green Goblin, Venom, Loki, and Apocalypse powers come in handy. With heroes like these around protecting us we are safe.

Small Introduction

A small introduction of me is always hard for me. Where can I start? I grew up in a small town called Plattsmouth, NE. When I'm with my friends, I'm really fun too be around. I'm shy at first when I meet new people. I played football as a kid and really enjoyed it, but then I stopped before high school. Right now I spend most of my rime playing video games and making/watching YouTube videos. I really enjoy making YouTube video's it's kind of my passion. Most recently I've been playing a MMORPG called War of the Immortals. I can be found on almost any of the main social networks. I also really enjoy reading comic books and playing a card game called Magic: the Gathering. This is me in a nutshell; I'm stuck in life somewhere between nerdy and awesome.

School

Last week I started college again. Which somehow turns me into a hot mess. I'm bouncing all over the place in making my major decision. I've gone from Video/ Audio Communication, to imaging, to general studies, and now I'm back to the video/audio communication.

Which I'm excited to start. I want to learn how to edit video and audio. With this degree I could be doing so many things; film making (I really want to do that), working on sound in video games, and general video things like YouTube. All these fields and more but, for me I would love to do any of these.

In other news, lately I've been thinking about being a writer or attempting to write. Now, I know that I suck at writing but, its something I enjoy. Much like running lately I love them both now. At the current moment I suck at both of them. I will only get better. I also went from 262 to 251 last week and I'm excited my pants are now to big.

Remember to be awesome and I love you.

My Growth

Lately, I've felt like a different person. I don't know of it's the new medicine or going to school. This is feeling like the first time in years that I can think, without cutting myself down. I also think that it might be because of YouTube.


You maybe asking yourself YouTube? How could? What is he talking about? Yes, I'm talking about YouTube. My whole life I've had a positive family, that I didn't listen to. It wasn't them it was me, which I finally realize that. Its all the positive words that I've been getting from fellow Shaytember people. Everyday its good job, you can do it, and your awesome I look up to you. Even  little old me has changed some people just in Shaytember. That feeling has no equal. I love helping people receiving there advice and giving them my own.

The feeling of finally being able to help people, its amazing. Since Shaytember has started I've been a brand new Chris. Sometimes it feels like I'm finally fighting for what I want. Today, I did something that I've never done before. I emailed clubs at school and might be joining one. I also might be playing Rugby for the Omaha Goats or at least practice with them.

I'm finally fighting for me and finally being me again. I'm loving life right now and wouldn't change it for the world.

Remember to be awesome and I love you.